Singing Chair Tippers & Spiders

one Sing out loud. Even if you can not carry a tune with handles - sing out from time to time. If you are an awful singer (which I'd imagine you are not) then keep it in the car or in the shower. Nobody else will hear you and it's all good. Sing, baby - Just sing. Sing out loud and sing it like you mean it.

two Don't tip back in your chair like that! Those legs are going to snap and you're gonna go down like a bag of cheap flour and you could break your neck and die like my third cousin once removed, Johnny Ray. He was only 14... had his whole life ahead of him....
OR: Your grandfather worked 19 weeks one year to buy those chairs from the Sears catalog and I'm not about to let you tear them up like that, and look what you're doing to that wall. Don't tip back in the chairs, please.

three Don't freak out about spiders - seriously, they are not that big of a deal. Cowboy up. On relatively rare occasions they may pose a threat to your well-being, but ... chill. Have you EVER known anyone to be bitten by a Brown Recluse while they were just sitting there watching?  
Huh uh, I so don't think so. 
Those vengeful weenies strike when people sleep. It will either happen or not. Be aware, and pay attention - and breathe through it - mind your movements. Imagine how freaked-out they are by your very size! When you freak, it makes them freak... just chill. 
Do look out for those jumping Wolf Spiders though, baby. Those guys are intense and without my glasses on, they look a lot like something I must get really close to and pick up. 

So totally not cool. 

Flying insects are an entirely different ballgame and they deserve their own space, we'll talk about them later.

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