Judged by the Company

yo.

I completely forgot about this old thang, over here but have a kinda urgent and compelling need to see if I've got something resolved and I get to go find a new dealio to identify. I know I used to just you three things, but you're growing up so nicely I shall give you more.

Shoutin'out to my posse, today. My small but exceptional group of humans who are most all of the good and none of the bad are the reflection I see of myself, on my best days. I'm defined by the company I keep because I'm tragically empathetic. Like for real tragic and crippling and probably in the DSM with warnings and the support of Big Pharma. 

(Also worth loving is the fact that the reason we get to have cliches is because they are built on truth. My mother's most favorite cliche was "You lay down with the dogs, you get up with fleas" and that is where this has been percolating in me for the last few years. I was accidentally way too nice to a whole bunch of folks who had even less than I do, but I forgot about boundaries and almost without exception, woke up with the fleas who had stolen my money and car.)

Now, I'm sure you're wildly curious about why my posse rocks so hard and I'm gonna do my best to be specific and fast. So hold on.

I love that my loves don't daydrink whiskey or do coke/crack/meth. I'm immensely proud of the contributions they make to our world - they teach and volunteer and use their resources to make the world a better place. They don't abandon their babies with their parents and they accept responsibility like a boss. I get to sit on the porch with giants. They edit books & direct middle school plays, they are full-time caretakers for parents or children or they work 12 hour shifts on the oncology floor. I don't aim to glorify work or define anybody by the career they've worked hard to build (I do know that when they succeed, I always feel like I'm succeeding.) It also allows us a super cool place to vent about our jobs, too... mostly because we have them. I'm sure it's elitist or some other equally horrifying cruel statement about our times or my color, level of entitlement or the country I live in, but I love that I get to hang out with people who use their time well. They've always expected a little more out of themselves and they've actively engaged themselves in finding it. 

They compose and engineer or plan daytrip adventures and they never ever make people they've just met, feel Less Than. Ever. They open doors and offer up chairs. The people I most want to be like are kinda like my grandparents were, in that they understood social grace, boundaries and kindness. They don't consume rooms with narcissistic shocking acts designed to give them stage and OMG how I love that part. They practice or pray and they relax and laugh like their lives depend on it, but they seem to understand that there are times for a little of everything, in a full life. On our best days they make me feel ten feet tall.

I get to love people who give generously. They donate money that they don't really have and time pulled from the thin air of an impossibly overbooked life, to help people and not even make social media posts about their generosity. My world involves a lot of "Please" and "Thank you" and an occasional "Sorry" when it's called for.  I love it when we say "good morning" and "g'night" or "drive careful" and we know it won't be met with silent stares or angry grunts. I'm hopeful that we can bring these little things back into vogue... make them cool again. (Maybe these words are grown in volunteering, because they all do some of that, too.)

One of my most favorite things in the world has become people who can engage in a conversation instead of delivering a soliloquy  Almost none of my hours are spent enduring mansplaining or gaslighting, anymore. This family or posse or tribe or whatever the proper term is, has no trouble communicating. And, I don't mind tellin'you: THIS rocks. It's also made it easier and faster to identify the feelings these tricks produce in me and the volume of their insufferability I've never had so little stomach for foolishness. Nor have I had such a fine-tuned ability to distance myself from the fleas who do this. That part is every kind of cool.

My people are some of the chattiest and most clever idgets on the planet. We can talk from coast to coast and it makes cross-country trips feel like afternoon outings. We pun and have inside jokes that crack us up. We laugh a lot. A.LOT, a lot. We are also world-class cryers and can flood a room with tears for days, when the occassion calls for it. I think I'm just glad to be surrounded by people who get to be in touch with their feelings to both give AND receive love so authentically. They're real and multi-dimensional. 

We've gone through life well enough to listen as well as we talk so my loves actually know things about me and my family of origin or the students I play with and some of my most beloved clients. We all know each other's birthdays and special days that need to be handled with care (sadness anniversaries.) Listening is a lost art, it seems lately, and this part of the party is incredibly awesome.

The thing I speak of most here is that my loves got some mad respect. They hug with meaning, heartbeat to heartbeat for at least a hot second, for maximum pleasure. They are not shallow and duplicituous and they work overtime to not offend anybody. They do what they say they're going to do and they show up mostly ontime. They help babies and old people and they rescue dogs and cats. I am not shitting you when I say that I am surrounded by the most solid group of pioneers I've ever gotten to be near and I'm grateful.

When and if I ever judge you harshly for keeping friends who I don't think are good enough for you, I will hope that you get it and allow me just a slice of judgey mcjudgerton because I think you're better than that. And, you'll know That when it arrives and you'll want better for yourself.  I would give everybody in the world what I've got, if I could - but the best I can do is tell you about it so you can go find it for yourself. 

That is all and I love you and carry on.

xomoe

honesty, boot straps and that tone

one Say what you mean and mean what you say. If there is someone whom you can just barely stand to be around, find a kind way to permanently excuse yourself from spending time in their company. You shouldn’t have to be a jerk about it, but the longer you allow a relationship to grow, the harder it is going to be to extract yourself from it gracefully.

two No matter how cool and good and thoughtful you may think you are: There are still going to be people who won’t like you. They’re pretty easy to spot, and it falls to you to walk away and avoid the absolutely rancid taste of that drama. Get over it. They may have even liked you in the beginning, or you may have had one really great night where all the stars lined up right and you were with the perfect blend of friends. And, there are still going to be people who don’t like you. It’s just life. Pull yourself up by the boot straps and don’t look back

three If I ever hear you take that tone with your mom or dad, I will gladly be the Momo who steps up with my moderately scary Momo-voice and throws down some old-school discipline that will make your hair curl. And, don’t think I won’t. Understand this much: As I write this you are my perfect grandbabies and I can hardly even imagine you being anything less than perfect. I've just gotten to meet some monstrously ill-behaved, dangerously mean kids. While their parents are responsible for failing to step-up to the parenting plate, I know they haven't been the only grown-ups those babies were exposed to. You know what the right thing to do is. Just do it.

copyright 2011 moemasters thesethreethings

one.two.three. easy.peasy.

Marlo and her trusty side-kick, Tuna Catinator, are working towards becoming the most powerful attorney-cat team in America. Her insight has provided many valuable things. These three things today are some of my favorite.

Blog Prelude: Sometimes the Universe reaches out and drills a little sumptin sumptin home with repetition. I was on the receiving end of four submissions in one week and every single one of them had at least one recurring theme. My friend Marlo caught most of them here. This is what it looks like when I'm shoutin' out to Marlo Hamrick. I love the way she handles thesethreethings.

one Tell people what you want. Do not make them guess. Some people think it's impolite to speak your wishes. They are wrong. It is impolite and inefficient to not voice your desires. If you remain silent when you really want something, you will be sad, and sadness is contagious. Don't get me wrong ~ you won't always get what you want, but you're a lot more likely to get it if you ask. If you're meeting a friend for dinner and they suggest Asian or Italian, but you really don't want Asian today, don't say “You choose.” There's a high likelihood you'll end up grumbling in to your General Tso's Chicken. If you'd rather Italian, speak up! There's a reason your friend gave you a choice. While the choices aren't usually about dinner, the chance to speak up is often there. Even if it doesn't seem like it some days.

two Those good habits you're starting now? Keep them up. I am especially referring to eating well, drinking enough water, and keeping your body moving. Continue all the good habits, but especially the ones about your health. These things will build a wall of protection around your body. When illness and old age try to sneak in, you'll have your strong walls to keep you going. Really. Exercise, nutrition, and hydration can prevent all kinds of things, like: strokes, diabetes, heart attack, dementia, crabbiness, bone breaks and cancer. Plus, you'll enjoy being here now more, too.

three Always do a pre-flight reality check before you take off. Dream big! Really! Do. But, when you're sitting down to make your plans, don't forget to make room for some reality in there. I dream of saving the world! (How's that for big?) My plans include small steps so I can add my piece to the pile of effort going towards saving the world. There are some things I won't be able to do ever (like pee standing up without making a mess) and somethings I can't change (like the not playing sports as a kid). By a series of reality testing, I have figured out how my effort can best fit my Big Dreams. This doesn't have to be a massive downer, just take a second to check in with what the world is saying to you. Sometimes this means allowing enough time for the dreams. Sometimes it means acknowledging weaknesses. Sometimes it means embracing more opportunities for greatness than you knew of.

copyright 2011 marlohamrick moemasters thesethreethings