Love in The Times of Contagion

Hey My Loves!

Again, I know it's been too long and for that I apologize. I wish I had a decent reason for being gone so long, but I do not. If I were to write you guys, every time I think of you, we'd have a million stories and words. I'm going to do much better at dropping by more often.

Right before Felix was born I decided I was going to start this blog and make it like letters that my Momo used to write me - full of love and fun things while also passing along little things that she knew were important. In the twelve or thirteen years that have passed since Felix arrived, I've changed format and my mind and top-secret spy locations a whole bunch of times - now you guys are pretty much all grown up and capable of understanding more complicated things and sentences and whatnot. So, I'm just going to keep doing this but make it more like a letter or a journal.

*Do you guys keep journals? If you don't, you might just love it. Get yourself a sweet empty book

with pages you love to touch. Find pens that fit your hand and have ink in colors you like. Tell yourself that every day you are going to write something. Anything, really. From what I've seen - you're very smart and you write well. Journalilng (I think that's what they call it) is a kinda cool way to do a whole bunch of things. Not the least of which is ....

one  Learn how to write well. Write your name, write your address, write numbers and letters and symbols in ways that show your style or attention to detail. Writing is a blast. When you have just the right ink, on just the right paper - it's like beautiful power. You can do or say or create anything you want and nobody is the boss of you but you.

I hope this little spot of staying home is at least a little fun for all of you. I also very much hope it's only a little spot and not some kinda long-term plan, because I'm just not really loving it so much. I do have to wonder though - what DO you guys do at school that makes it last all day long. I'm getting to help teach and herd a couple most-excellent teenagers, a little here and there, and we pretty much have all the actual school work done by noonish.

What's it like at your house? Are you missing all your buddies at school? I miss my friends so bad it hurts sometimes, but I think I'm getting better at being happy doing nothing, all by myself.

two  Learn how to enjoy your own company. Learn how to sit still. I could make each one of these things their very own books (like the bazillions of writers before me have done) but for me, they are so closely related, that I think you need to learn both at the same time. I also think that when I say "sit still" I really might mean, learn how to do nothing and be happy. What with the whole world screeching to a halt, I've found that I really do have time to not be doing something. I'm still not very good at it, but I think when you get to be an adult and you have to pay bills and whatnot, you forget how to stare at clouds or chase frogs... basically - do nothing. I really hope you don't forget how to be happy all by yourself, doing nothing.

three Get a job. Yea, I know you're still a kid, but I was on payroll when I was 8 or 9... your

mom or dad was too. It's a great way to make your own money to buy your own cool stuff. Just 'cuz all your friends don't have jobs means you have to be unemployed, too. Just put down these screens and go offer to mow the lawn or clean an entire bathroom; Ask where the cleaners and rags are. I'll bet you dollars to donuts, your parent will smile and ask if you want PayPal or Venmo or what. All y'all are going to be looking at dorm rooms or apartments within the next handful of years and you're going to want the nice stuff that you've grown accostomed to. Chop chop, buttercup. 

That's all I got besides don't ever give up hope. 

I started this note to you at the end of March.

It took me THIS long to remember that we got this. 

Protest where you can, smash the patriarchy

&

Don't touch your face.

xomomo

Judged by the Company

yo.

I completely forgot about this old thang, over here but have a kinda urgent and compelling need to see if I've got something resolved and I get to go find a new dealio to identify. I know I used to just you three things, but you're growing up so nicely I shall give you more.

Shoutin'out to my posse, today. My small but exceptional group of humans who are most all of the good and none of the bad are the reflection I see of myself, on my best days. I'm defined by the company I keep because I'm tragically empathetic. Like for real tragic and crippling and probably in the DSM with warnings and the support of Big Pharma. 

(Also worth loving is the fact that the reason we get to have cliches is because they are built on truth. My mother's most favorite cliche was "You lay down with the dogs, you get up with fleas" and that is where this has been percolating in me for the last few years. I was accidentally way too nice to a whole bunch of folks who had even less than I do, but I forgot about boundaries and almost without exception, woke up with the fleas who had stolen my money and car.)

Now, I'm sure you're wildly curious about why my posse rocks so hard and I'm gonna do my best to be specific and fast. So hold on.

I love that my loves don't daydrink whiskey or do coke/crack/meth. I'm immensely proud of the contributions they make to our world - they teach and volunteer and use their resources to make the world a better place. They don't abandon their babies with their parents and they accept responsibility like a boss. I get to sit on the porch with giants. They edit books & direct middle school plays, they are full-time caretakers for parents or children or they work 12 hour shifts on the oncology floor. I don't aim to glorify work or define anybody by the career they've worked hard to build (I do know that when they succeed, I always feel like I'm succeeding.) It also allows us a super cool place to vent about our jobs, too... mostly because we have them. I'm sure it's elitist or some other equally horrifying cruel statement about our times or my color, level of entitlement or the country I live in, but I love that I get to hang out with people who use their time well. They've always expected a little more out of themselves and they've actively engaged themselves in finding it. 

They compose and engineer or plan daytrip adventures and they never ever make people they've just met, feel Less Than. Ever. They open doors and offer up chairs. The people I most want to be like are kinda like my grandparents were, in that they understood social grace, boundaries and kindness. They don't consume rooms with narcissistic shocking acts designed to give them stage and OMG how I love that part. They practice or pray and they relax and laugh like their lives depend on it, but they seem to understand that there are times for a little of everything, in a full life. On our best days they make me feel ten feet tall.

I get to love people who give generously. They donate money that they don't really have and time pulled from the thin air of an impossibly overbooked life, to help people and not even make social media posts about their generosity. My world involves a lot of "Please" and "Thank you" and an occasional "Sorry" when it's called for.  I love it when we say "good morning" and "g'night" or "drive careful" and we know it won't be met with silent stares or angry grunts. I'm hopeful that we can bring these little things back into vogue... make them cool again. (Maybe these words are grown in volunteering, because they all do some of that, too.)

One of my most favorite things in the world has become people who can engage in a conversation instead of delivering a soliloquy  Almost none of my hours are spent enduring mansplaining or gaslighting, anymore. This family or posse or tribe or whatever the proper term is, has no trouble communicating. And, I don't mind tellin'you: THIS rocks. It's also made it easier and faster to identify the feelings these tricks produce in me and the volume of their insufferability I've never had so little stomach for foolishness. Nor have I had such a fine-tuned ability to distance myself from the fleas who do this. That part is every kind of cool.

My people are some of the chattiest and most clever idgets on the planet. We can talk from coast to coast and it makes cross-country trips feel like afternoon outings. We pun and have inside jokes that crack us up. We laugh a lot. A.LOT, a lot. We are also world-class cryers and can flood a room with tears for days, when the occassion calls for it. I think I'm just glad to be surrounded by people who get to be in touch with their feelings to both give AND receive love so authentically. They're real and multi-dimensional. 

We've gone through life well enough to listen as well as we talk so my loves actually know things about me and my family of origin or the students I play with and some of my most beloved clients. We all know each other's birthdays and special days that need to be handled with care (sadness anniversaries.) Listening is a lost art, it seems lately, and this part of the party is incredibly awesome.

The thing I speak of most here is that my loves got some mad respect. They hug with meaning, heartbeat to heartbeat for at least a hot second, for maximum pleasure. They are not shallow and duplicituous and they work overtime to not offend anybody. They do what they say they're going to do and they show up mostly ontime. They help babies and old people and they rescue dogs and cats. I am not shitting you when I say that I am surrounded by the most solid group of pioneers I've ever gotten to be near and I'm grateful.

When and if I ever judge you harshly for keeping friends who I don't think are good enough for you, I will hope that you get it and allow me just a slice of judgey mcjudgerton because I think you're better than that. And, you'll know That when it arrives and you'll want better for yourself.  I would give everybody in the world what I've got, if I could - but the best I can do is tell you about it so you can go find it for yourself. 

That is all and I love you and carry on.

xomoe

honor, discretion and skepticism

one Be skeptical. To be skeptical means that you don't take just everything at face value. Not everybody is telling the truth all the time and some things aren't really what they seem. We all only have this one filter through which to see stuff and we all see different stuff. Just know that if you really want to believe something or trust in someone ~ You need to be grounded in respect for the process. Do your research, don't compromise and never forget that anything can be Photoshopped in and digitally enhanced. Where a picture used to be worth a thousand words, it is now worth about $399.

two Be discreet. You could very well be one of those people to whom complete strangers will walk up and share their most intimate secrets. They will tell you incredible stories full of rich details. These stories will be sensational; they'll make you laugh and cry and laugh till you cry. Sometimes, they'll keep you up at night. You don't need to be sharing what you hear with anybody else. It's an unwieldy power ... this thing that makes us hear stories. Just because you know it doesn't mean you have to share it. (Unless it's especially brutal and could be changed by the telling.) Discretion is the better part of valor.

three Be honorable. Do the right thing. For real. I know I've said it to you here before, but I haven't specifically said this: Be True and Strong. Yes, with capital letters. Do what you say you're going to do and don't do what you say won't. Respect your elders, don't cuss or spit or chew gum in public or talk on your cell phone while you're waiting on somebody. Clean your plate and eat what you're given. Pick up your clothes and help out whenever you can. Make eye contact, smile from your heart and have a good handshake (or handshake/hug combination.) Learn to write legibly and honor your commitments. Think happy thoughts (as much as is possible.) Don't take advantage of people or situations, and know, little baby, that if you don't play nice and I'm up in heaven (when you are an old, old person ... like 30 or 35) - I'll see every little thing you do. I know you know what I'm talking about here. Baby, be good.

copyright 2011 moemasters thesethreethings

guest blogger: joyce wright

Joyce Wright is a writer, a thinker, a mover and something of a shaker. She lives in Kentucky (but knows some people in Ohio) and can usually come with a good Three Things any time of day. Today, there are hers:

one Be empathetic. When someone is having a rough time in their life, try to remember the worst time in your life and imagine that their rough time is exponentially worse. Offer a kind word, a smile and maybe even a hug. Life is hard for all of us sometimes; who couldn't use the healing power of empathy in their lives? Feel what they are feeling and make an effort to make it better. It's an amazing experience to see someone brighten because you simply felt what they felt.

two Never miss an opportunity to show the universe that you care. We are all in this together and we are all connected. There is a saying that a chain is only as strong as it's weakest link. When you care about those less fortunate and show it, you strengthen the human chain. It benefits everyone, especially you. It will make you feel better about being you, probably more than you know.

three Give a hand up. If you have been blessed in your life, pay it forward. There are plenty of people who need some kind of help. Be that person who helps. Your help doesn't have to be gigantic, small help is just fine. The opportunities abound for you to help your neighbor, a stranger or someone you love and to make their life better. Don't be afraid to change someone's life with a gesture of good will.

copyright 2011 joycewright thesethreethings moemasters

pirates, olives and holidays

one Halloween can be one of the coolest holidays of the year. Lean into it and treat it with Pirate-ish hands. Rough it up and have fun or make it some kind of statement about who you are and how you roll. Just have fun with Halloween, you can be anyone or anything you want to be. Autumn, all by itself, rocks all the way out loud - but to have a holiday where you get to dress up and people give you candy is just about too much to ask. Important side-bar: IF you live in a land where it could be cold or wet, do NOT (I repeat, DO NOT) think you can be a mummy wrapped in toilet paper. That was a really bad idea and I'm still sorry.

two When you're sitting at the Thanksgiving table, surrounded by your family and the people you love, with food that will fill your tummy and make you smile: Put a black olive on each one of your fingers and sing some kind of song like Pee-Wee Herman while you make your digits dance.  

three Instead of getting all wound-up in what you want or what you think you will get for Christmas: Make it a habit to do random nice things for your people (or strangers) as often as you can. This Christmas-time can be a total butt-kicker and buzz-kill for a whole bunch of folks and it's a perfect time to brush up on your Random Acts of Kindness routine. It's all about how easily you can think of ways to make somebody else smile. Few things in the world rock as hard as seeing somebody break into a big ol' heartfelt smile - It's about a million times more satisfying than anything you can buy at Walmart. 

copyright 2010 moemasters thesethreethings

Tight spots, kindness and do-overs.

first If you're not sure about something, but you're in a tight spot: Make it up.  I know, I know... this flies in the face of convention, but for real: IF, per chance, you were in a place where you needed to disarm a bomb to prevent a whole bunch of people from dying ... and they all were counting on you (and there were orphan babies, elderly nuns and rainbow colored unicorns) .... don't you think you would just do the very dang best you could and hope to God it worked out fine? Seriously. Just always defer to that instinct that tells you that you are not going to die. You can do this. Whatever "This" is - you can do it. See yourself doing this. Even if you've never done this before - You are smart. Do this. Have conviction and be passionate. Do it all the way or don't do it at all. I'm a big fan of "do it all the way...." 

Just for the record.

second Always be kinder than is necessary. I have told you all of this before, but please remember to stand up tall, make eye contact and do whatever the social circumstance dictates. If someone wants to shake hands then shake hands. If it's time for a Man-Hug or some funky shoulder-fist bump combination - then do that. Just be there all the way or don't be there at all. Seriously. I ask so little. Engage people and don't be all afraid, and be smart enough to not look for trouble. 

(Disclaimer: All of this advice does not apply outside the Midwest where people can be like feral cats and prey upon your kindness and naivete. It especially does not apply in Paris, London and New York.)

You have common sense - use it.

third You can always start over. For the most part, anyway. Tenacity and the ability to see it through (Whatever "It" is) are noble and imperative to a well-lived life, and, baby: Choose which mountain you want to die on. Some battles are just not going to be worth the energy spent to fight them. Always give it your best shot, always play through the pain and please learn early how to cut your losses. You need not hitch your wagon to sinking stars and you will always deserve more and better. Only move forward and up. 

Up, always up.

Don't make me tell you twice.

copyright 2010 moemasters

strangers, parents & poison

one Thumper's mom once said "If you can't say anything nice, then say nothing at all." And, at this point in the game, I couldn't agree more. I would even add an amendment that goes something like this: If you find that most of the pearls falling from your lips are wrapped in poison - quit talking. Every little bit of bad energy you spill on the planet leaves a trace. Some people are exceptionally sensitive to these "traces" and the poison you've left spinning about can actually make them sick. Consider your words carefully.

two When you're out in the world making your way from birth to death, you will, on occasion, see a stranger who just needs to tell somebody something. They are generally easy to spot, and you have been given two beautiful ears and two strong shoulders, share them with the lonely and broken-hearted when you know it's the right thing to do. This doesn't mean you have to take them home, but if they are so lonely as to talk to strangers - they must need it pretty bad.

three Be good to your parents. They will never be around as long as you think they might and you will miss them when they are gone. Don't add regret to the mix - be kind to them while they are alive.

copyright 2010 moemasters

Walking, Borrowing and Forgiving

jedan Take walks in the rain after midnight sometimes if you ever get the chance. This action is greatly enhanced by doing so with someone who cares about you, but it's not entirely necessary. There's something to the sounds and the smells...

dva Be good to yourself. Take care of your spirit and humor because nobody else is going to. This could be one of the only things you HAVE to do besides keep on living. Learn to forgive yourself for the things you have done and learn to make amends to those you have harmed. These are both critical to taking good care of yourself and your spirit.

tri NEVER EVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE OWE ANYBODY MONEY. This one matters: Do NOT borrow money. For real. This is one of the purest forms of soul-suckery. The minute you owe somebody something - they own your soul. You are clever and smart and talented enough to always find some way to meet your own needs.

copyright 2010 moemasters

Silent Kindness, Door Openers and Reading

gyntaf If you choose a life that includes philanthropy and random acts of kindness, do not brag about it. By telling the world about the wonderful and selflessness of you, you completely undo whatever good you did. Do good, always - talk about it never. Encourage other people to do good things too, but do not make them feel like lesser humans if they haven't been given the resources you have to help in the ways you have chosen. We all can help in different ways, and they won't always include throwing money.

ail Open the door for people if and when you can. It doesn't matter if it's a boy or a girl or if they are younger or older - just open the door for people when you can. BONUS ADD-ON: If you are a boy then you should open the passenger side of your car for a girl before you get in.

trydydd Learn to read out loud to someone you care about. Learn to love it when they read out loud to you. Slow down, relax - being read out loud to can be one of the finest things around.

copyright 2010 moemasters

Coffee grinds, egg shells and BB guns

an chéad Treat other people how you'd like to be treated. Nobody is any cooler than anybody else and kindness works a whole lot better than crankiness. Do not exclude people and do learn how to make them feel welcome. 

an dara Don't put coffee grounds or egg shells down the garbage disposal if you have one. Papa Z always said you couldn't put melon rinds in there either, but Momo strongly disagreed. And, if you have a compost heap (which you should) you won't need to put anything down there because it will all be recycled into your garden.

 an tríú Do not shoot BB guns in the house. This is just a roundly bad idea. 
And, no - I can't tell you why I know.
Just don't do it.
Trust me. 



copyright 2010 thesethreethings