three totally unrelated things

one If it should ever come to pass, which it very well might, that you have to eat at a McDonald's ~ First: Please accept my apology for being any part of a food source that could degrade epicurean bliss so monumentally, and Second: Do NOT eat the chicken McNuggets. Order a cheeseburger with ONLY mustard and onions. They have to special make them and they don’t have any time in a warming tray. They are both safer, and tastier. (And, quite honestly: Cleaner. Pickles can fall out on your face if you don’t bite ‘em just right and ketchup is extra-gross while staining worse and faster than anything on the planet beside plant fertilizer.) I’ve also learned that one of those cheeseburgers can last for up to 9 hours in a purse. I don’t really do load-bearing tests on the time anymore because once I had a bad run-in with a Hardee’s turnpike hamburger. I probably wouldn’t stretch it much past eight hours though, just to be on the safe side.

Bonus Round! You can also order fries with no salt (if you have the time, patience and people watching proclivities) and they have to make those special too. They do a mass salting on the fries as soon as they come outta the fryer. McDonald’s French fries only have a shelf life of about 6 minutes anyways, so no real love lost. Just salt your own fries if you choose to go down that road.

two Don’t climb into bed with filthy feet. I know you played hard all day... but. Really? Baby? You’re going to roll that way? Huh uh. Not on my watch. Those could be 900 count Egyptian cotton sheets. I could have painstakingly bleached them and hung them on the line to dry. God only knows what you’ve tracked in here. You don’t have to take a whole bath, but you do have to wash your feet before you sleep on my good sheets. You are always more than welcome to sleep on the porch, there’s a blanket in the milk box.

three Don’t tease the dog. Yea. Really and please. Just don’t do it. All dogs are just about the same and they get turbo happy about anything food or attention related. But, ultimately – it’s all about the food.  An example of this would be you holding out a hot dog and then snatching it away just when the dog thought he was going to get a bite. Do not do anything like this and learn to avoid the near temptation of this. Dogs bite people who make them mad, that’s why they came with those awesomely ferocious teeth and jaws that open all the way back to their ears. Please do not tease the dog.

Copyright 2011 moemasters thesethreethings

Guest Blog: Violet Love Goode

My strong Irish roots mean I am stubborn and love to laugh. I always take my grandmothers advice. I love blueberries, beards, bald heads, getting lost, getting found, muddy happy dogs, photography, traveling, making stuff, growing things, crushes, recycling, waterfalls, the coast (oh yea - the coast!) I believe in the universe and doing nice things.

one Go where the wind blows you! Take it from me, a mountain loving (think green and lush) Oregon girl who let the wind blow her all the way to flat (think hot and dry) Kansas! You can’t make these sorts of dreams up. Oh the places you’ll go! Take the road less traveled, wait scratch that … take the road you would have never dreamed of traveling, plan on meeting many wonderful people along the way, and have fun when you least expect to.

two Find your joy and pursue it relentlessly. Do this daily! The endless list of annoying to-do's can wait- It WILL be there tomorrow. Your joys can be big or small, simple or complicated, quiet or loud … whatever you want; they are all yours! Love them and they will love you back. Nothing will provide you with more pleasure or help you skirt through the rough patches in life more than this one thing. When it finds you, embrace the gift fully and thank it for showing up. You may lose it sometimes, that’s okay - it’s not really lost - it’s there, right there…yep, you got it!

three Consider the worst when faced with an unkind person. Huh, wait, what? I know, it sounds crazy, right?! When your path crosses their path, always assume that this must be the worst day of their lives. Dramatic, perhaps; but maybe, just maybe they just lost a loved one, maybe their dog died, or maybe they live with someone who is mean to them. Its tough stuff to think about, but life is messy and some people really suffer. You just never know. Consider the worst, smile, and be double (or triple) kind. Oh, I almost forgot the most important part: Do NOT take it personally, absolutely never take it personally. 

© moemasters, thesethreethings, violetlovegoode 2011

Seriously swearing bananas

isa In spite of the fact that I have personally taken home the Gold in the last 4 Winter Olympic Swearing Like a Sailor floor routines, I would ask that you find better ways to express yourself. To that end I would like to humbly submit some of my favorites: Holy Cannoli! Shazam! (NEVER: Oh, SNAP! That is soo SOOO last year.) Son of a biscuit! ... I've heard that used to good effect. There really is a time and place for everything, but don't swear if you can avoid it.

dalawa Don't take yourself so seriously. We are all just humans with about the same basic limitations. A life lived without a LOT of humor really just isn't worth living. Cultivate the ability to laugh at yourself and some of the really silly things you do. We all do silly things and too much seriousness will age you way too quickly (and kinda make you look like a turd.)

tatlo Eat bananas. They are good for you and they are some of the tastiest of the fruits. They travel almost as well as apples and oranges too, so they got that going for 'em. It's never a bad idea to have a banana on-hand. You never know when you are going to get hungry.

Addendum: Do NOT ever try to cross borders of different counties with fruit in your knapsack. I'll tell you a story about it sometime, but for reasons that I don't fully understand, countries frown upon you taking their fruit to other countries.

copyright 2010 moemasters