Friday, June 24, 2011

three totally unrelated things

one If it should ever come to pass, which it very well might, that you have to eat at a McDonald's ~ First: Please accept my apology for being any part of a food source that could degrade epicurean bliss so monumentally, and Second: Do NOT eat the chicken McNuggets. Order a cheeseburger with ONLY mustard and onions. They have to special make them and they don’t have any time in a warming tray. They are both safer, and tastier. (And, quite honestly: Cleaner. Pickles can fall out on your face if you don’t bite ‘em just right and ketchup is extra-gross while staining worse and faster than anything on the planet beside plant fertilizer.) I’ve also learned that one of those cheeseburgers can last for up to 9 hours in a purse. I don’t really do load-bearing tests on the time anymore because once I had a bad run-in with a Hardee’s turnpike hamburger. I probably wouldn’t stretch it much past eight hours though, just to be on the safe side.

Bonus Round! You can also order fries with no salt (if you have the time, patience and people watching proclivities) and they have to make those special too. They do a mass salting on the fries as soon as they come outta the fryer. McDonald’s French fries only have a shelf life of about 6 minutes anyways, so no real love lost. Just salt your own fries if you choose to go down that road.

two Don’t climb into bed with filthy feet. I know you played hard all day... but. Really? Baby? You’re going to roll that way? Huh uh. Not on my watch. Those could be 900 count Egyptian cotton sheets. I could have painstakingly bleached them and hung them on the line to dry. God only knows what you’ve tracked in here. You don’t have to take a whole bath, but you do have to wash your feet before you sleep on my good sheets. You are always more than welcome to sleep on the porch, there’s a blanket in the milk box.

three Don’t tease the dog. Yea. Really and please. Just don’t do it. All dogs are just about the same and they get turbo happy about anything food or attention related. But, ultimately – it’s all about the food.  An example of this would be you holding out a hot dog and then snatching it away just when the dog thought he was going to get a bite. Do not do anything like this and learn to avoid the near temptation of this. Dogs bite people who make them mad, that’s why they came with those awesomely ferocious teeth and jaws that open all the way back to their ears. Please do not tease the dog.

Copyright 2011 moemasters thesethreethings

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