Judged by the Company

yo.

I completely forgot about this old thang, over here but have a kinda urgent and compelling need to see if I've got something resolved and I get to go find a new dealio to identify. I know I used to just you three things, but you're growing up so nicely I shall give you more.

Shoutin'out to my posse, today. My small but exceptional group of humans who are most all of the good and none of the bad are the reflection I see of myself, on my best days. I'm defined by the company I keep because I'm tragically empathetic. Like for real tragic and crippling and probably in the DSM with warnings and the support of Big Pharma. 

(Also worth loving is the fact that the reason we get to have cliches is because they are built on truth. My mother's most favorite cliche was "You lay down with the dogs, you get up with fleas" and that is where this has been percolating in me for the last few years. I was accidentally way too nice to a whole bunch of folks who had even less than I do, but I forgot about boundaries and almost without exception, woke up with the fleas who had stolen my money and car.)

Now, I'm sure you're wildly curious about why my posse rocks so hard and I'm gonna do my best to be specific and fast. So hold on.

I love that my loves don't daydrink whiskey or do coke/crack/meth. I'm immensely proud of the contributions they make to our world - they teach and volunteer and use their resources to make the world a better place. They don't abandon their babies with their parents and they accept responsibility like a boss. I get to sit on the porch with giants. They edit books & direct middle school plays, they are full-time caretakers for parents or children or they work 12 hour shifts on the oncology floor. I don't aim to glorify work or define anybody by the career they've worked hard to build (I do know that when they succeed, I always feel like I'm succeeding.) It also allows us a super cool place to vent about our jobs, too... mostly because we have them. I'm sure it's elitist or some other equally horrifying cruel statement about our times or my color, level of entitlement or the country I live in, but I love that I get to hang out with people who use their time well. They've always expected a little more out of themselves and they've actively engaged themselves in finding it. 

They compose and engineer or plan daytrip adventures and they never ever make people they've just met, feel Less Than. Ever. They open doors and offer up chairs. The people I most want to be like are kinda like my grandparents were, in that they understood social grace, boundaries and kindness. They don't consume rooms with narcissistic shocking acts designed to give them stage and OMG how I love that part. They practice or pray and they relax and laugh like their lives depend on it, but they seem to understand that there are times for a little of everything, in a full life. On our best days they make me feel ten feet tall.

I get to love people who give generously. They donate money that they don't really have and time pulled from the thin air of an impossibly overbooked life, to help people and not even make social media posts about their generosity. My world involves a lot of "Please" and "Thank you" and an occasional "Sorry" when it's called for.  I love it when we say "good morning" and "g'night" or "drive careful" and we know it won't be met with silent stares or angry grunts. I'm hopeful that we can bring these little things back into vogue... make them cool again. (Maybe these words are grown in volunteering, because they all do some of that, too.)

One of my most favorite things in the world has become people who can engage in a conversation instead of delivering a soliloquy  Almost none of my hours are spent enduring mansplaining or gaslighting, anymore. This family or posse or tribe or whatever the proper term is, has no trouble communicating. And, I don't mind tellin'you: THIS rocks. It's also made it easier and faster to identify the feelings these tricks produce in me and the volume of their insufferability I've never had so little stomach for foolishness. Nor have I had such a fine-tuned ability to distance myself from the fleas who do this. That part is every kind of cool.

My people are some of the chattiest and most clever idgets on the planet. We can talk from coast to coast and it makes cross-country trips feel like afternoon outings. We pun and have inside jokes that crack us up. We laugh a lot. A.LOT, a lot. We are also world-class cryers and can flood a room with tears for days, when the occassion calls for it. I think I'm just glad to be surrounded by people who get to be in touch with their feelings to both give AND receive love so authentically. They're real and multi-dimensional. 

We've gone through life well enough to listen as well as we talk so my loves actually know things about me and my family of origin or the students I play with and some of my most beloved clients. We all know each other's birthdays and special days that need to be handled with care (sadness anniversaries.) Listening is a lost art, it seems lately, and this part of the party is incredibly awesome.

The thing I speak of most here is that my loves got some mad respect. They hug with meaning, heartbeat to heartbeat for at least a hot second, for maximum pleasure. They are not shallow and duplicituous and they work overtime to not offend anybody. They do what they say they're going to do and they show up mostly ontime. They help babies and old people and they rescue dogs and cats. I am not shitting you when I say that I am surrounded by the most solid group of pioneers I've ever gotten to be near and I'm grateful.

When and if I ever judge you harshly for keeping friends who I don't think are good enough for you, I will hope that you get it and allow me just a slice of judgey mcjudgerton because I think you're better than that. And, you'll know That when it arrives and you'll want better for yourself.  I would give everybody in the world what I've got, if I could - but the best I can do is tell you about it so you can go find it for yourself. 

That is all and I love you and carry on.

xomoe