breaking all my own rules

Me before I got a laptop

one I am only one pasty white girl born and raised in the Midwest in the early 60's. My parents were direct descendants of 3rd generation Irish and German immigrants. They were the by-products of Old School Catholic indoctrination and values.  These values were passed along to me and I worry that some of the important stuff may not get passed along. You can choose to disagree with me because we live in America. That's cool. I wouldn't take ANY one single thing I say as gospel truth. This is the Internet, and it's your job to not believe anything you see here and disagree with it if you see fit.

My mom: Momo, Me & BZ

two My mother was a saint, and not a day goes by where I don't want to tell her something and hear her voice. She believed in the Camelot days of the Kennedy's and she bore a strong resemblance to Jackie. She had a tiny waist, a radiant smile and she was a Delta Gamma. Her perfect dark hair curled up at the ends and she wore an apron. She could cook meatloaf and twice-baked potatoes in high heels. She left us her recipes, written in her handwriting and they are among the most revered keepsakes of her love. She gave me the hope that people are, for the most part, good. She, dang-near, single-handedly taught me about forgiveness and survival and hope.

Momo 1 & Momo 2

She came from a solid working-class family in the Strawberry Hill neighborhood of Kansas City, Kansas. He father sold insurance for New York Life and her mother stayed at home and kept an immaculate and well-ordered home. They lived with-in walking distance of parents, aunts and uncles, dozens of cousins, the trolley tracks, the church and school, the doctor who made house calls (out the back door and across the alley) and the pub where Papa Leo could be found when it was dinner time. They played cards and sang in 5 part harmony for entertainment. Family meant everything and defined them. She was one of the five Connor sisters and each of her parents were from families that had, like 15 kids each. I'm talking about HUGE family gatherings that happened often.

JZ, The Lears: Record setting aviation flight

three My father did the best he could ever day. He was a professional success (I've been told that he was the world's very first aerospace editor.) He came from Jefferson City, Missouri and has a past that is either too tragic or too convoluted for me to remember. I know it wasn't pretty.  And, it's big enough to fill a good long blog or a short little book.
There will always remain the question of whether he did, or did not, have involvement with the CIA. He was brilliant and shifty.  He was out of the country often. I used to spend hours thumbing through his passport.

My father's family

He was born into a world of limitations and abuse that speak highly of his ability to survive. He was never perfect, but neither was anybody else, so it never really buried the needle on the weird-o-meter. He was blessed by being born into a world of strong and conscientious uncles and cousins. He taught me to write and edit with the best of them and his expectations both pushed me to be a better person and to become a girl who is prone to some wicked-bad self doubt.

Justin (JT) and Chelsea

four I got to help make two exceptionally gifted, thoughtful and conscientious children. They have proven that they are solid citizens and empathetic and accountable parents. They write letters by hand and they help strangers. They live life large and in meaningful ways. They're capable and kind. And they never fail to either make me crack up or get button-bustin' proud. They have given me grand babies, and I can only tell you that the love is exponential. I keep thinking my heart can't get any more full, and then it does. I don't get to see the babies often and I want to make their worlds easier than mine and my parents. And truthfully - they're still too young to get it, and I don't want to forget it before they'll get it. Nor do I want to bore 'em with it when we could be swimming or somethinng.

There. That's my street cred and history. I am thinking it will give you some insight into why I am here and doing this. Hope your winter rocks out loud, and let me know when you disagree with me OR if you would like to be a guest blogger. I love learning what other people think. And, for whatever reasons: People just keep sharing things and stories and laughs and tears with me ... and I think they are all pretty fantastic.

copyright 2011 moemasters thesethree things

Guest Blog: Rachel H. Bailey

Rachel Haskins Bailey is a fellow post modern contemporary gypsy and a good friend. She always makes me smile and she has a phenomenal ability to spread love around.

one I'm not trying to get all down in the dumps, but sometimes? When you're really, really sad and feeling really, really hopeless? All you have to do is not die. If you can step back enough to tell yourself that and stick to it, then you're gonna be ok. Stop the racing thoughts, the sobbing, the desperation. You have one goal: Don't die. It may sound silly, but when you find yourself at a certain level of sad, you'll get it. And you'll vibe me thanks once you're through it. And you'll baby step your way back to ok. And you'll pass on this advice, because it actually works.

two Eat right. Cook a lot of beans and vegetables. Don't just push them around your plate and act like you ate them, really do it. They're delicious and so, so good for you. This is important. You don't need meat so much, eating something that once had a face...? Ew. The environment will thank you for doing the best you can.

three Smile at strangers. It makes more of a difference than you will ever realize. It makes their day, it makes them want to return the favor to others. Smiling is so easy, and makes such a difference. Please do it as much as possible. 

copyright 2011 thesethreethings rachelhaskinsbailey

happiness and peace

one Remember that all you have to do to be happy is decide to be happy. There will always be people who need to share their discontent and test your resolve. There will always be situations that test the limits of your good humor. You will always get to be fine if you decide that's what you want. That is what I want for you. This choice does not mean that you won't be unhappy or mad sometimes, but your own happiness is all you can control. So, control it - you are the boss of you.

two Learn how to be happy doing nothing. Being quiet and alone with yourself could be one of the best ways to find out what is going on in your heart and your head. This isn't as easy as it sounds and you may have to work at it. Find ways to marinate in silence without TV or music or video games. Learn how to shut down your brain and just breathe.

three Know that almost everybody does the best they can and almost nobody wakes up in the morning and thinks "I'm going to ruin some lives and destroy things today." To that end, it's kind-of your job to mind the people you surround yourself with. You will know, pretty quickly, if you've let someone on your island who is filled with anger and poison intentions. It's pretty unlikely that you will change that in anyone and the chances are great that you will get some of their malcontent on you, so learn to walk away and let it go.

copyright 2011 moemasters thesethreethings

beauty, kisses and etiquette

one There's a saying about youth and beauty being wasted on the young and beautiful (I'm terrible with cliches and I don't feel so much like looking it up right now) it's kinda true. (Except for the "wasted" part, I don't think much of anything as wasted.) But, you really should get a solid education while you are young and beautiful. Some day you will be less beautiful and still hungry. Get yourself the best education you can and don't ever stop learning. This is not restricted to formal education, just so you know ~ Get out there. Travel, talk to strangers, volunteer. Get outside your comfort zone as far as you can and you will learn more than you ever thought possible. Physical beauty fades but a solid education in the sciences will last forever.

two Don't be afraid to kiss somebody. In broad daylight. In the middle of the street when people you know may be (could be ... probably are) looking. Life is too short to miss any moment like that. This includes, but is not restricted to a real physical kiss. Like, on the lips. It also extends to vibes and nods and pokes and winks.  If you have a moment where you even think of someone fondly, shoot them some good vibes at the very least. Send a virtual nudge or a heart or an ex and an oh. All these things matter.

three It is considered a breach of etiquette (read: A way way bad idea) to ask someone in a social situation, how much money they make. I saw this happen at a wedding once and I watched (in beautiful slow motion) the chain reaction of "aghast" that wrapped around half a dozen people standing in a circle wondering if what they thought they just heard happen really did happen. Is was one of the finest Social Fails I have gotten to see. Just don't do this. The reasons why are too complex for me to cover in less than 5 minutes.

copyright 2010 moemasters thesethreethings

last words screaming please.

one There is no real need to scream and/or raise your voice. When you scream and yell it just makes you look like a spoiled child or a very primal grown-up. Learn to make your point without raising your voice. Walk softly and carry a big stick and, please don't be a screamer.

two Embrace and learn to love The Magic Words. Civilized American people say "Please" and "Thank you" often. When you fail to do this, it makes people wonder if you were raised by monkeys. Just remember: Please and Thank you. No need to be obsequious and add a "very much" to that, just meet some basic expectations and be polite.

three Sometimes you may just have to retreat. Walk away. Sleep on it. Make a point by not making a point at all. People who know and love you the most, have an uncanny ability to push your buttons to try and get a response out of you. It's your job to minimize that damage where you can. You don't always have to have the last word and you can just walk away.

copyright 2010 moemasters thesethreethings

it's all about you, baby.

one Learn how to be real with yourself and don't over-commit. You are never going to be able to make all the people happy all of the time and the more you try, the more jacked up your life will become. It's not easy to prioritize, but it's absolutely necessary. When you learn how to identify what is really (seriously) important and what is not, you will probably find that everything works out much smoother and you'll like yourself better.

two Have limitations to what you'll do for others. The more you give of yourself, the more people will come to expect. And then, when the day comes that you don't even have enough of yourself left for you - everyone who has come to rely on your diligence and attention will be all the way angry and disappointed in you because you let them down by not meeting their unspoken expectations. Learn how to draw lines in the sand and stop yourself from wanting approval so badly that you'll do dang near anything for somebody else.

three When you get on a commercial airplane they always do this spiel about how if the plane's going down and you have a shorty with you, you should always put the oxygen mask on your face first. I think the logic here is that you'll be of no use to anybody if you die while trying to make sure they live. Make sure you take care of you first and everybody else right after that.

copyright 2010 moemasters thesethreethings

BONUS FOURTH THING If you think you need to climb up that tree, you'd best have a solid plan to get yourself back down. Don't be getting all skidgy and whiny once you get up there as high as you can go and be expecting somebody to help you get down. If you were able to get all the way up that tree, you can bet your bottom dollar that you'll get your own bad self back down. (This can be metaphorical and applied to any number of different things for the rest of your life.)

i believe in you & laugh a lot.

Spot Peavey has been entertaining the digital masses for a while now. She has a sharp wit, some sharp claws and she's a screamer. She only dates dogs and brings an unusual but vital perspective to the business of being a good and happy human.

one After having watched you and your people for a while now, I gotta tell you that the most important thing I can tell you is this: Freakin' believe in yourself. For real. You are a Rock Star, my friend. You guys all seem to spend so much time thinking that you don't rock nearly enough, when you do. 

two You have to lighten up. You guys are all so serious all the time. I get that you have concerns, births, illnesses, break-ups and hook-ups, deaths, taxes, wicked bad snarky people at work and school, but c'mon.... It's time to climb a tree or play an elaborate and well-crafted prank. I don't see you laughing enough. And, I know - I watch. It's what I do.

three When you remind people how smart or talented you are (or were) all the time, you come off as just being sad. Clearly, you are smart and talented. And, brave and funny and strong. So, stop reminding every person you come in contact with. It comes off as pathetic and tends to make the people who know you best, just feel a little sorry for you. Mind your arrogance because it makes you seem like you have no real sense of esteem. People who are really good don't need to tell anyone how good they are.

copyright 2010 moemasters thesethreethings