Three Absolutes

one I do not know everything. I know that I act like I do, and I have written like I might, but I do not.know.everything. What I have left you here ... these are just the things that mattered to me and may matter to you. These are the manners and social mores that guided me and a bunch of other humans who (or whom. Look it up) I have loved. I know that you know how to behave. Genetically, you are predisposed to know these things. Represent, Baby. I know you got this and will do the world a solid by remembering it.

two You will love and be loved back. You will be heartbroken and the world will keep spinning on it's wobbly old axis. You will live to love again. You were born with more glitter coursing through your veins and more wisdom in your soul, than most of the people you will eat lunches with. Don't sweat the small stuff and try not to use cliches as much as me. Nobody loves a cliche or a platitude. Yea - Nobody loves them.

three Never stop doing backflips off the dock or cartwheels on the putting greens. Life is way too short to get all wrapped up in suits and ties and briefcases and conference calls. Take adventures wherever you can find them and love the magic in spontaneity. Don't lie, cheat or steal. Do use your Nice Words and speak in whole sentences. Expect nothing, under-promise and over-deliver. 
Now. Go. Get. It's beautiful outside. Whatchoo doing sitting here staring at a screen?
I love you.
thesethreethings © moemasters

Three Things for Beginners: Remedial Niceness

one When someone says, "Good Morning" or whatevs to indicate a howdy: You look at them and say something in return. I mean it. I don't think you should just speak when spoken to, but for the love of God and all things holy, when someone says something to you: Acknowledge it. You are a remarkable person and I know you can do this. You can be nice and respond like a human who was not raised by wolves. If you are offered help with something - either accept it or decline it, nicely. Pay attention to your words because they can become your actions. Just in case you've forgotten: Never, ever (under any circumstance) threaten to hurt someone or raise your hands to them. No hitting or scaring people with your anger. You are not that kind of person and you don't keep company with people who are. Don't forget it. 

two Be happy. As much as possible. You don't have to be happy all the time, but ... Ooohhh, little ninja ~ there is so much big stuff headed your way, to be reasonably and profoundly unhappy about, that I do not like watching you get all twisted up about this stuff that doesn't really matter. And, yes: I know it seems like it matters. 
It's more often than every year or week or day; It's every single minute and turn and choice, a bazillion times a day, that you get to choose to be happy. Sometimes the life machine kicks out some harsh horrible things and they take a minute or two to get over. But, over they get. It won't kill you. Lean in and hug your happy you. It makes you look adorable.

Advertisers lie, sometimes.

three I'm not entirely sure this will even be relevant by the time you are able to call this page up on your own, but just in case: Do not smoke. Please. At the tail-end of a perfectly groomed cigarette addiction I can tell you without doubt: Smoking cigarettes is just awful. 1) It stinks bad. Homes, clothes, hair, breath, cars, fingers. Stinkier than litter boxes and gasoline. 2) It costs a whole bunch of money that you could use to by locally made art, or something. Big bucks. Lots of 'em. 3) It kills you. Yea, like dead. Or, worse.
Surely this will be illegal by the time you see this.
Man. I do so hope so. 

moemasters thesethreethings2013 ©

3 Things: Joanne Cecilia Connor

Nobody knew she was on fire when she got here. My mother: Joanne Cecilia Connor

My mom, Joanne Cecilia Connor, remains the finest girl I've ever gotten to watch grow up. She died some number of years ago on a day exactly like this one. I remember it was more beautiful and more painful than any other day that had ever come before it. I woke up, today, with a complete and entire head full of my her. Therefore, we are going to pretend like I just opened up a leaping can of complete, unabridged Momo-sass on your beautifully crafted, behind, because I'm channeling Momo. 

one You'd best leave it like you found it. This also sounds exactly like the following: Clean up after yourself or put your crap anywhere but where I can see it or if you touch my stuff, don't let me find out or I will whoop you like a red-headed stepchild. 
Stuff like that. 
(Or: Go get me a switch from the Forsythia out back. That was my grand-Momo. Wicked powerful woman, there. I have no memory of ever getting actually switched. I can still hear her voice humming along to CSN&Y songs that we had hummed to her. She played by ear. She could play anything. She never raised a hand to me and the mere threat of it stays with me, now.)
two You're going to get out of it whatever you choose to put into it. So, you'd better love what you're doing. Too many people suffer through jobs and relationships and churches and politics that make their stomachs hurt so bad they have to take pills. Like, real pills from the pharmacist dudes. Sometimes, it causes Cancer. Love what you do and pay attention to what you love. Don't let yourself get sick over the choices you make. Mind your power. Own it. Choose wisely and get over it if you don't. Stop whining and make it better. The only power in the world, is ALL you - it's in you and on you, baby. They are starving babies in Biafra. For real. Learn to love your life as fast as you can. Run. Go! Now. I meant, "Do this now."

three Always take a chance. Gamble. Risk a little of this for a lot of that. Talk to strangers. Put money on a race based on names that you like or numbers that made you wake up happy. Believe in the impossible and random greatness of life. Know that everything happens for a reason and there is no reason. Listen more than you speak because you never know when somebody will gift you with a story that could never be retold or made better. Make eye contact and ask questions. Bring home that band from Ireland because you know that you have two dozen eggs that are only good for three more days. Let them stay in your tipi until they book out. Be present and know that that is some risky business. Don't hold back or reserve or wait or hesitate. Believe. Be all in. This matters. (All of this. Right now. Now matters.)

moemasters thesethreethings 2013 ©

True Stories

one In the old days, you could get really angry about something and say that you were going to burn the place down, or kill somebody. You really can't do that anymore. It's an unfortunate component to the permanency of the digital webs and a pretty well-warranted response to terrorism and bullies, but saying/writing inflammatory things like that can get you on a list of possible terrorists and/or reported to an agency tasked with keeping track of potential threats.

two It does not take a Rocket Surgeon to build a profile of your digital self based on the aggregate weight of your vibe, of your status updates, comments and photographs. When most all of the stories and experiences you share are those of profound personal victimization, you will be perceived as a person who is always profoundly unhappy. You are the cultivator of a poisonous garden. It's really just simple math. If most of what you say is a rant or you sharing how poorly you feel, you will likely be profiled as a complainer by potential employers, lovers or associates. And, ain't nobody got time for that shiznit.

three Physical violence has never solved anything and only demonstrates your lack of creativity and critical thinking skills. If you are prone to using threats and violence to get what you want and need, you are a bully. Stop it and no more screaming, it just makes you look funny and it's hard not to laugh.

moemasters thesethreethings 2013 ©

Three Absolutes

one: If you do/say/write/share something online: It is forever. You may

November 1948

think you killed it by deleting it, just ten minutes after you posted it, but it is anything but dead. If it was embarrassing or inflammatory enough to have piqued interest: Somebody (a lot like me) took a screenshot of it or dumped it on her hard drive to show her friends, later.  If you do not know what a screenshot is (or how to dump something on your own personal hard drive,) you are in deep trouble and need to seek professional help. I charge $120/hour, or more depending on your resistance and vocabulary.

two: The Internet is still not "Your Internet." When you tell me that I broke, or you broke, or ...hell, - tell me your kids broke your Internet - I will know that we probably can't do business. The Internet belongs to all of us and is the massively beautiful trainwreck of information it is, BECAUSE we all still have some modicum of control regarding it's use and content. Until the government gets it's big ol'sticky fingers in this pie, we ALL get to play with it as freely as our education allows. You can't break it. Don't be scared. (Unless, somehow, porn and morons meet up on your hard drive, then be very, very afraid. You should probably hire a professional. Professionals take a vow of silence and are ethically bound to not share your secrets. They know how to safely surf porn and they will take secrets to the grave.) When you say the words, "My Internet is broken" you lower your street cred by about 89.3% - mind your power. (Look for future article: I Saw it on the Internet, so It Must Be True.)

Brooklyn. Hope.

three: Mind.Your.Freaking.Power. For real. I'm running out of ways to say this annnnd I love you. I so seriously don't like it when I am unhappy. Nobody loves that. You always repeat it back to me, while looking deep into my unnaturally blue eyes, like you understand and believe it. I have actually believed that you understand the weight of your power, like, a million times now. 
Every single calorie you burn, every keystroke you make and every thought you have that turns into an intention or action is a direct reflection of your power. Dude. This isn't math or religion, or maybe it's both. But, for the love of God, Please Fly right.
People love you, I see that. They do what you are doing, they drink your Kool Aid. Your words are read, your pictures liked and you are imitated. You are your brand, unfortunately. This feels so much like Orwellian futuristic stuff to me, and I'm not that old. Trips me out.
Here's the deal: Everything you do online matters and is stored, like in some sort of permanent high-school locker that will be yours until long after your body dissolves back into the planet. You are accountable. There are no trophies being awarded for having shown up to play. You only have so many days and hours and laughs and deaths to do what you gotta do, and do it well. 
Don't harbor secrets, don't think that you are smarter than anybody and don't think that a tenacious researcher can't or won't find out what makes you tick. Sidebar: People may or may not hire you, marry you or keep you based on what they find.  We judge. We are evolved humans, with thumbs and we judge. Never forget that. (I did not invent this principle nor do I endorse and support it, I just know that it is. Like that gigantic floating island of trash by Hawaii.)

Just know that you are perhaps one of the most powerful things on earth.
Have you ever looked at a teenager in the right light, with a total absence of teen-angst and had a fond memory for how you felt in your body with no scars and your heart fulla hope, and thought: "Damn. It's good to be a gangster."
That's how much power you have.
Mind that shit.

I wouldn't say anything if I din't care.
moemasters 2013 © yep. It's copyrighted.

BONUS 4TH THING: If a person with a copyright has the resources to sue you after you steal their work: They will win. Don't steal work, Ninjas. Same same goes for photographs and songs. Don't steal... Yo'mama raised you better than that.